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the thought to update that blog came to my mind at a german lesson today. i wanted to speak about summer 2010! (and i'll do the next post about summer 2009.. just for myself, so i remember that stuff yknow.)

okay. let's start with june. 
the beginning was boring. i was at home every single day. until the summer parties started! i knew i was gonna see my '09 crush (i wrote about that party a little bit, now i'm gonna talk longer about it). he was pretty much the reason i was so excited. i didn't have a friend to go there with, so i decided to go alone. i knew i'd find someone to be with. 
i found three girls to be with, we hung out and laughed so much. we were standing in front of the toilet (ahaha ridiculous!) and i saw my friend katrin- she was talking with her friend and i screamed her name and ran to hug her. we hugged and moaned (something like that :D. yep that's us) and then talked a little bit. then i went back to my friends. then i looked behind my back and i saw THE crush (let's call him like that okay) coming. i smiled. he stood next to me. i still remember what he was wearing. so we talked. we hugged. and like i described our hug in the last post- yep. that's how i felt. i felt like the whole world stopped and had the biggest butterflies in my stomach. haha yep. he gave me his phone number (so i can keep in touch with him.. i hardly call him :/). then i saw his friend. he was fucking handsome. like, handsome handsome! when i saw i was like "oh whatever, he's handsome but he can't drive me as crazy as crazy as he can" haha! he wasn't stuck in my head. THE crush was stuck in my head all over again. and i really thought i'm totally over him. but i was wrong. really wrong. 
so we talked more, then went to the park where the party was. we saw each other few times while we both were dancing. after the party when i got home because it was so cold.. yeah, it was a foam party! i went to sleep and the next day when i woke up.. he was stuck in my head again. it still seemed so unreal that we hugged and talked. these are the smallest things ever, but whatever. these simple things made me happy. 
i remember at in the evening we talked about the party.. he asked me if i was crazy to go into the foam. i told him that "you know how crazy i am" and about him a little bit.
so the june ended.. we talked few times in msn but didn't see each other. 
next summer party - he wasn't there. but his friend was. that was the point where i really thought his friend is FUCKING handsome. so i threw THE crush out of my head and he came instead of him. yeaah it's kinda weird that i started crushing on his friend.. i feel so bad because of it for some reason :o. 
it was so good to see him there. but there was also a disappointment that THE crush wasn't there. even though he said that he's coming. i went to the party with my best friend. his friend was there and when i told my bff that he's the best friend of THE crush.. she was like "fuck he's beautiful!!!" so we both were amazed that we both like the same person. there were no fights because of him. we both were like "aah he's cute. really cute" and talked about him a lot.
there was no sign of THE crush. we just hoped that he'll be on the next party. let's just say, july was filled with some other random dude who i'm gonna call "the hottie" lol. 
last summer party. i had read something from some forum that THE crush is coming with the hottie. (lmao, it sounds so weird.) sooo.. me and my bff went together again :) we knew the hottie will come and we both were excited because of that. i remember that party almost clearly. i'm gonna try to describe as much of it as i remember. 
so we came from tartu to luua. her classmate carmen was with us. also i remember how i turned my laptop quickly on to find out if i won the tickets. so i opened facebook - one message! i thought it was another update from paulo. but no! there was a message that i won two tickets!!!! we got excited and we were waiting for the party! JACKPOT. FUCKING J A C K P O T.
the party was the next day though.. lmao. so we went outside with the boys and we had to decide who'll get the 2nd free ticket. we bought few ciders and käti told that i won two free tickets to the party! we almost made a deal that i'm gonna give my 2nd ticket to kevin. he told us to buy some drinks in the party. i almost said yes haha. 
so we were kinda drunk.. went home. went to sleep. in the morning we were like "TODAY IS THE PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE'RE GONNA SEE THE HOTTIE. AND MAYBE THE CRUSH. OMFG" haha. finally we decided that i'm gonna give my 2nd free ticket to my best friend. we waited for the night so so so much. in some random time laura called me and told me that she's coming to my place.. i was like "ookaaay.. there's two girls here already. MY ROOM ISN'T BIG ENOUGH okay you can come." haha. so we started getting ready. did our make-up and tried to found some normal clothes to wear. the music was playing loud in my room so we kind of danced and were getting ready at the same time. you know, gotta warm up ;) 
so when we were ready, i called my mom to ask if she can pick us up and drive to palamuse. she said no and we had to start walking. but thank god my classmate's brother picked all us 4 up (the car was fucking mini :D:D:D) and we were thereee! we walked around because we got there way too early (we planned to walk there an hour, we left home 9pm and hoped to get there by 10 pm). it was boring so weeee.. sat. hugged our friends and waited till the REAL party starts. like 11 pm the party starrted and i met my friend gertrud who was there with her mom. while talking with the people my best friend suddenly got very excited and told me to look behind my back. SO I WATCHED, AND SAW THE HOTTIE. i was like HOLY SHITTING COW HE'S FINALLY HERE! :D. haha so we decided to go and dance. we danced danced danced.. so i just randomly saw them watching at us. like.. stalking haha. they were SOOO busted. lol. 
so there was a performer who we all knew but the most important thing for me was the guy who played bass guitar (i honestly have no idea what's with the bass guitar dudes haha) and that was the point where i just screamed and ran through the crowd to the first row and waved to him :). i met a wonnnnderful girl saale, she's fun and a really good friend. 
we went to backstage, talked with the bass guitar dude and got pictures (i got two haha YAY) and hugs (and i got two again YAY vol 2 :D:D). i went back to my friends and they told me that someone told them that THE crush is on the party so i didn't care about the other things and just started searching him. yeah, it might sound really ridiculous but i had to see him. i didn't find him, i was like "fuck fuck damn!!" and sat down to my friends and said "i can't find him." then i looked left and he was walking towards us. i stood up and just started walking towards him. he was with the hottie. we hugged. again. loved that moment. again. let's ignore the fact that he really gives the best hugs in the universe. when we hugged, i had this feeling again not wanting to let go and the butterflies. then there was this awkward moment where me and THE crush just finished hugging and then the hottie was looking at me so we kind of stared at each other like 5 seconds. then i felt it's getting weird and took a picture of them together. just a little memory.. haha. 
we went back dancing and we didn't see them dancing next to us. the hottie and the crush next to us with their friends. the crush sometimes smiled at me and it made me feel goooooooood! :) :) but i was sad at the same time.. i knew it was the last party and after that the fucking school starts. 
so when the party was about to end, the dj started playing "mälestused" by koit toome. no way, but that was definitely the song of the night. so me and my best friend just hugged each other and cried. then i saw the crush looking at us, i smiled to him, tears running from my eyes. he smiled to me and it made me cry more. yeah.. it sucked dick.
then we said goodbye to some of our friends and thought about going home. then we thought that it would be awesome to continue the party at home, i have that 2 liter rum in my living room... ;) we talked pretty loud and then we realized that the hottie was walking in front of us. so he asked where's the party.. i told that in my place. he asked us to his place.. we had to say no because my mom was at home and was driving to palamuse to pick us up. 
my best friend thought it was a fucking big deal that he invited us. but in the end we both were really happy and sad at the same time.. because the whole party was just a big success and we left that place with a really good feeling.
and i saw the crush. 
that was awesome
and now i'm gonna write about summer '09

 haha bye.
Current Music:
lifehouse - you and me
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Do you think your parents made any major mistakes in how they raised you? If so, how did it affect you?

i think everyone makes mistakes once in a while. there's no exceptions. 
i think the MAJOR mistake was not getting along - they were fighting all the time and i had to see and hear every part of it. i wasn't the reason, but i still cried and hated that, even though i was a little child.
it affected me really much -  i hardly speak with my dad and don't like him so much. he moved away, got a new wife and they have two kids right now. 

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haha. the headline is about a boy who i had a crush on like almost a year. well, now that crush is going on & on, since yesterday. that's pretty much insane. i just need to talk about it with someone, and since it's almost 3AM right now, i don't have no one to talk with, i just thought that livejournal will be my friend in that cool moment. ha :) 
so, all i wanted to talk about is a little bit 'bout summer 2009 and what happened yesterday. 
you guys probably don't know that i had a major big crush on a boy last summer. he's almost eighteen. not gonna talk about the details, but all i am gonna say that he is.. beautiful :) so.. yesterday i saw him. i thought that i am so so so over him. and when i saw him then suddenly i felt weird, butterflies or something in my freaking stomach. i was like "nooo way that it's him" and i was almost like near to the death. then like 10-15 minutes later he came to speak with me. since i didn't have his number, i asked it and i got it. we hugged. i was with my friends (3) and he hugged me longer than he hugged them. but i felt like "ugh, please don't let go" and yeah.. that's when i pretty much realized that i still have a crush on him. and i'm so scared to admit it again, i have done it once. yeah. it would be weird too. 
and today all the things what are in my mind, is him. i knew that he'd totally destroy my other thoughts and take over my brain (haha). 
and there is a BIG problem. 
actually his brother admitted few weeks ago that he has a crush on ME. i said the same. we never talk about dating but now when i think about that, it would be obviously impossible because of him. just imagine that dating when i'm at his place and i see his brother walking around, and i have a crush on him TOO! awful!
that's why i am kinda in a "fucked up" situation right now. 
i'm seeing him again this weekend, at my friend's graduation and to be honest, i can't wait. but dang it.. it's his brothers graduation TOO! :| again that iamsofuckedup situation. 
i must do the most important choice of my life (haha) between BROTHERS! -.-
just wish me luck and let's hope i won't fail. 
love y'all who still is reading that blog and so sorry that i forgot it. it was probably because everything in my life was perfect until these 2 boys came back to my life agaaiin.. just TOOO MANY MEMORIEEES!!!
it's summer holiday and i finished 8th grade. i'm doing pretty well with few exceptions what you just read. main problems in my life right now are my mother and my best friend. she's a jerk. 
i need next party. i'll see him again, probably. since i don't have to go to school next 3 months, i guess we have time to get closer again and be like we were last summer. just good friends and if it's needed, to be a little bit more than friends. 
woah. it's not dark outside anymore. i should go to sleep. it's 3.03AM. 
sooohh.. just wish me luck and i hope i'll complain here again about these boys.. haha.


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How well do you take criticism? Do you deflect it or take it personally? Does it usually inspire you to change? Are you more critical of yourself or others?

usually i don't care when someone tells something bad about me. i just let it go. no one can change me and no one can inspire me to change to a better person or different who i am right now. i'm more critical of myself, because i just don't like the way i am. 
just critics. i let it go and be happy. sometimes it hurts, but yeah.

Current Location:
my room
Current Music:
Owl City-Hello Seattle
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Do certain items of clothing remind you of people or events from your past? If so, what garment reminds you of a particularly happy memory?

I guess there are few jeans what remind me of a great 2009 summer and all what happened during the summer holiday. Most of the holiday was great but I need to throw these things away, too much memories!

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